Byproduct Of Boredom
by Sneakernet
Summary: A VERY hyper story about Rem, Sirius, and co! This is hyper beyond belief, and funny beyond comprhension. Caution.
1. Chapter One

Disclaimer-I am GOD.  
  
This was written by me, Vanessa, and my friend Emily. This is definatly worth reading, it's so hyper....... sorry if it doent make sense in parts, its because its soo wild...  
  
Its partially insprired by "RUM!" from Pirates Of The Carribean, but thats in later chapters  
  
Chapter 1~The Chocolate Frog Fight  
  
16 year olds Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin watched for muggles as James Potter, also 16, ran through the Platform 9 3/4 barrier pushing his cart loaded with school supplies.   
  
"Weeeeeeeeeeee!"  
  
Remus rolled his eyes, while Sirius grinned with a mischevious look on his face.   
  
"Oh come on Moony," he drawled, pushing Remus in front of him. "Lighten up a bit, ok? We have all of the suprises for the Great Hall feast, what couldn't be better?" And with that, he ran straight through the tall brick wall with his cart, yelling,  
  
"I can't WAIT to see the GREASY SLIMY GIT SEVERUS!!! I am going to have SO much fun!!!"  
  
Remus sighed an put his head in his hands and muttering to himslf,   
  
"I do not know them, I do not know them..." Unfortunatly, Sirius sreams had attracted muggle stares in his direction as Sirius went throuh the barrier. Oh no, he thought. This is not going to be very good. At that he positioned himself for the run through the barrier. With a deep breath, and a quick glance at the muggles, he ran through the barrier also. He saw James and Sirius get onto the train, and followed them quickly. They walked through the train, looking for an empty compartment. Sirius looked in one on his left, and then the one parallel to it.  
  
"Nope...nope...nope....damn it, why aren't there any spots left?!" At his outburst, Remus closed his eyes. When he opened them, he was looking at a pretty 16 year old girl, with intelligent brown eyes. His own hazel eyes widened, and he blushed for staring. The girl blushed too, and looked down at her shoes. Suddenly, there came a shout from behind them.  
  
"Vanessa? Vanessa! I got the chocolate frogs for us three!" Sirius turned around and got shocked, for there walking down the aisle was a pretty girl with light brown hair.   
  
Her sparkling blue-gray eyes ran over Sirius and she smiled and blushed. She side-stepped by James, who whistled softly. She blushed, and went to Vanessa.   
  
"Here we are, Lily, come out! I got the chocolate frogs!" she yelled into the compartment Vanessa came out of. A 16-year-old girl came out, and her straight red hair blew from the wind out of the open window near-by. Her green eyes showed cleverness, and also sillyness.   
  
"Hello! My name is Lily, and these are my two best friends, Vanessa and Emily." She motioned to each one in turn, so as not to get their names mixed up. Then she looked questionly at the three mauraders and asked, "And you guys are?"   
  
James whistled loudly. Then he leaned down in a mock-bow manner.   
  
"It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss. Lily," he said in a fake gentleman manner. "My name is James Potter, and these are my friends, Sirius Black," who grinned, "and Remus Lupin," who blushed. "We would kindly welcome all of you into our compartment, but we have not found one yet. We are--"  
  
"Oh, why didn't you say so?" Lily exclaimed. "We have room for three more, and we would love tohave you share it with us, right girls?" Emily and Vanessa both nodded. "Then we would love to do that," Sirius said immediantly before Remus could turn down the offer. He took Emily's hand and kissed it. She blushed. James took Lily's hand and she led them into the compartment. Sirius took Emily's hand and led her in too. Before he sat down opposite her, he winked at Moony and patted his back. Then he dashed inside, leaving Vanessa and Remus. They glanced at each other, and then Vanessa went into the compartment. Remus soon followed. James was facing Lily, Sirius was facing Emily, and Remus, much to his embarassment, was opposite Vanessa.  
  
Vanessa took out her book, called The Call Of The Wild, and started reading. Remus did the same. She looked up. So did he. She looked down. So did he. She cought his eye again and blushed and pulled the hood of her gray jacket over her eyes and grinned. Remus laughed. Sirius and James looked up in shock. When was the last time he had laughed? they wondered.   
  
"Chocolate frog?" She asked, uncovering her eyes to dig him out one from her pocket. She tossed it. He missed and it bounced off his fingers into Sirius's lap.   
  
"Eek!" Remus lunged for it. Vanessa laughed and hit him in the head with another one. He threw it back, hitting her nose. She threw another one at him and one at Sirius, causing the whole compartment to eprupt into a frog-fight. Other people's heads peeked around the corner, seeing what all the fuss was about. Everyone in the frog-fight compartment was laughing, Lily was sreeching with glee, Emily was laughing so hard she was crying, and everybody blamed Vanessa for starting it, and so she tried to duck every frog thrown at her. The fight continued until the Head Boy and Head Girl cam and demanded that they stop. When they had turned around and left, Sirius stuck his head out of the door and stuck his toungue out at him. Emily giggled. Remus and Vanessa couldn't stop laughing, and then they were crying so hard, afterwards, they were tired. Meanwhile, James and Lily were making faces at one another. James pulled a big one, and Lily laughed. Emily glanced over there, and imitated James' face to Sirius, who chuckled. Vanessa and Remus started to take a nap, and Emily was reading while Sirius looked at the pictures. He made jokes about every one, and she giggled. Lily and James were looking out the window, playing a game with passing scenery. The food cart came by, and they each got lots of stuff(Including more chocolate frogs to have another frog fight later). The train stopped abruptly, and Vanessa and Emily both fell off the seat. Sirius caught Emily, and she grinned. Vanessa landed on Remus' feet, and he leaned over his knees and commented, " HELLo!" She laughed, trying to stand up. He gave her his hand, she grasped it as he brought her up. Lily and James were laughing, and so was everybody else in the compartment.   
  
Everyone started to load off the train, and the six young people waited until everyone in their car was off before getting off themselves. Sirius, Remus, and James helped the girls into the carriage that was waiting, and then climbed in themsleves. The carriage started moving, and then the Hogwarts castle came into view. It was almost like coming home.   
  
End of chapter 1!!!! Hope you liked it!   
  
Emily~Sorry if anything's spelled wong, we cna ype...litarly  
  
Vanessa~Yes, Emily cant type. But type even worse. He. So. Um...we hope you will like the next chapter! We are alternating, me writing one then Emily, Emily wrote that one, but I helped, the chocolate frog fight was my idea. *grins evily* 


	2. Chapta Two!

I wrote this chapter. As you know, Emily wrote the last one, but hehe the choco frog fight was my idea!  
  
Disclaimer-I do not own the characters  
  
BWAH! Okay. This should be good, because Im hyper. And I just had *cheese* pizza. And you know how I am with cheese I get so hyper.... And I took an extra whiff of the sharpie I was coloring with...  
  
Chapter TWO! *resists urge to type "BWAH!"*-Coffee and Sharpies  
  
The carriage slowed to a stop and the six teenagers hopped out. They were all happy to be back at Hogwarts. They trooped happily up into the Great Hall for the feast. (EMILY! ACK! BWAH! I have an idea.... Remember Vanzilla? Mwhahaha! And thats not a take off on my name, folks...) The sorting began and everyone watched, hooting when someone was sorted into their house.(*wishes we could fast-forward this so I could get them to the common room and get them hyper*) Dumbledore gave his speech, welcoming all of the teachers and announcing when Quidditch try-outs would be held. Then they ate! (*holds up card that says "CHEER!"*) The dinner went peacefully (Or however peaceful you can get with the marauders...) until halfway through when Vanessa and Sirius started the cup game....(MY FAVORITE GAME!)   
  
After the feast the kids made their way up to the fat lady and whispered the password, "Raisin Toast", and entered the common room. They parted ways, the girls going up into their dormintory and the boys in theirs. They unpacked their stuff, stopping to chat on the beds.  
  
~In the girls dormitory...~  
  
Vanessa threw things frantically out of her trunk until she found a little white package, which she placed in her pocket.  
  
"What's that?" asked Emily, trying to steal it out of her pocket. "BWAH!" Vanessa answered, running frantically around the room and leaping from one bed to another. Finally, after she had messed up everyone's bed, Lily had the sense to grab her legs, making her fall off Emily's bed in a heap. She ran back to her trunk and dug out severl more things, placed them in her other pocket and ran around some more. Emily finally pushed her out the dormitory and she pelted down the stairs at top speed, not able to stop.  
  
~In the boys dormitory......~  
  
Sirius and James were passing a plush quaffle over Remus's head while he sat on his bed, following it with his eyes, turning his head back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. He started to get dizzy. "AHH!" He fell on his back, hiding his head under his pillow. Back and forth. Back and forth. Heclosed his eyes. Back and forth. Back and forth. He screamed again, running full speed out of the dormitory, pillow still in fornt of his face.  
  
~Common Room~  
  
Both teens were running so fast that they couldnt stop, no matter what was in the way, not like Remus could see what was in the way, but yeah. The rest of the troop came down, the boys following Remus and the girls following Vanessa. At the that instant Remus and Vanessa collided, and the next thing they knew (Ol' Jed's a millionaire....) Vanessa and Remus were both on the floor, Vanessa on top on Remus, who still had his head behind the pillow. He shoved the pillow away, seeing Vanessa's clever brown eyes wide. "BWAH!" She exclaimed. "Pinned yah!" She rolled off of Remus who half wanted to laugh and half wanted die. He chose to laugh. The two laughed harder and harder, looking up and Emily, Lily, Jmes, and Sirius, who were looking at them like idiots. They pushed themselves up and Vanessa re-assumed jumping on every piece of furniture she could see.  
  
"So what is that stuff you put in you pocket?" Asked Lily, grabbing Vanessa while Emily held her down. She dug a package of instant coffee and sharpie markers out of her pocket. Lily looked at it, and Vanessa, catching Emily off her guard, grabbed the coffee with her teeth and took off. She sat on top of a cabinat and ripped it open, pouring some into her mouth. "COFFEE COFFEE!" She exclaimed, jumping down and forcing everyone to eat the instant coffee in turn.  
  
"GOOD GIGGLY WIGGLY!" (Hahaha, Emily, its Vanzilla!) shouted Remus, and started jumping on the furniture with Vanessa. Emily suddenly took off and ran around the room like a cow, stopping to make mooing noises. "I was born in a wagon on the organ trail......" James started singing. Sirius began sing too, "Im a truck drivin' man, if anyone can Im the man!" Lily, the only sane one, gave into the coffee and tumbled around the room.   
  
Vanessa stopped jumping and ent over to Sirius and James, who were still singing, and put one arm around each. she walked forward and leaned to the left, and then to the right, walking like a drunk and chanting "WE GOIN' DIS WAY! WE GOIN' DIS WAY!" James and Sirius cought on and joined her. Remus launched into the Gilligan's Island theme song from the other side of the room. Emily pawed the ground with her hand and ran on all fours into Lily, snorting. Vanessa remembered the sharpies.  
  
"SHARPIES!" By this time people were beginning to come down from the dormitories and watch from the stairs. Vanessa handed out the Sharpies and took a good sniff. She ran back upstaris, dodging the innocent bystanders, and then ran back down, carring light up tennis shoes, which she beat together, making them light up. "YAY!"  
  
Too much Sharpie. All six people fell over and went into a coma. They evenually woke up, but then went to sleep, not sure where they were. They woke up the next morning, still a bit high on sharpies. "YOURE THE RAISINS IN MY TOAST!" Screamed Vanessa, before she realized she was laying in the common room, on top of Emily who was on top of Remus who was on top of Lily who was on top ofSiriuswho was on top of James.  
  
Okay! End of chapter! That was fun-I did sniff a sharpie today....  
  
Sorry for the misspellins. Word-Pad does this weird thing when to try to fix them.... 


	3. Chapter ThreeThe Glorius Pillow Fight

Alright, Hi, its me, vanessa, again! Duh... lalala... anyway, Emily wrote this chapter.... *sticks out tongue* The pillow fight is kinda an inside joke,  
  
gosh, half of this story is inside jokes. But it's still funny. And, um.. what was I gonna say....OH MAN dont ya hate that? anyway, the 'I am your  
  
singing telegram" from clue was my idea, sorry, *sniff* it was just so beautiful I had to take credit for it. And for those who dont know that sharpies are,  
  
there permanat makers and smell na if you sniff them you get high.  
  
Chapter 3- The Glorious Pillow Fight (yay!)  
  
After the six young people had come down from the Headmaster's office, they looked at their schedule. What surprised them was that most of their classes were with each other, not one of them didn't have a friend. It figured this way: Potions was Remus, Lily, and James. Divination was Emily, Sirius, and Vanessa. Transfiguration was all of them. And so on, and so forth (I really don't want to type all of that stuff).   
  
They had been in the headmaster's office forever. That was because some first years decided that they would tattle. Each of them got detention, and they were really ticked off (no, I mean REALLY ticked off). Anyway, Emily was sniffling because she had never gotten detention before (she was one of those people like Hermoine, straight A student, never got in trouble). Sirius was trying to comfort her, holding her hand as they walked. Lily and James were talking (of all things!) about books, which were favorites, and such. Vanessa and Remus however were going over and over how they bonked into each other in the common room, and they had landed so silly.  
  
When they had finally reached the common room, they went to change into their other robes, since the ones they were in were filthy. When they came back down, girls from one side, boys from the other, they met and went down to their classes.   
  
Potions were very boring, and the teacher kept on picking on Remus in front of the class. Lily tried to comfort him, and James made a few jokes, but he thought it would be better to die than to see Vanessa again.   
  
Over in Divination…   
  
Emily, Sirius, and Vanessa were sitting in the back row of the classroom, not wanting to be seen. The teacher, Professor Delaney, kept going over to Sirius and telling him that 'You will die on the next full moon, and be slain by a werewolf'.   
  
"Yeah, right. Whatever," he muttered. Emily and Vanessa grinned, glad that their friend's spirit was still up.   
  
After Classes…  
  
They all met up at lunch, and started the cup game again. Soon after the game was ended, the headmaster banished the game from the lunch tables.  
  
Sirius and Remus snickered.   
  
"That doesn't mean DINNER and BREAKFAST tables, does it?" Emily sighed, and glanced at Vanessa and Lily. Lily had her head in her hands; James was snickering beside her also. Vanessa was giggling. I bet that Nessa is going to bring out the sharpies and coffee again, Emily thought. I got to stop her! I am not going to have two detentions in one day! She excused herself and dashed to the Gryffindor common room. There she said,  
  
"Onion Beans," which was the password, and then dashed to Vanessa's bed and trunk. She threw open the lid, and searched for the packets she saw before. When they weren't in the trunk, she looked under, on, and over Vanessa's bed, only to find nothing. Man, she thought. They have to be around here somewhere…and with that, she plunged into looking in the side table by Vanessa's bed. When Emily came up from the drawer, she squealed with delight, at finally finding the packets. She hid them in her own trunk, in her little secret pocket. Then she skipped happily down to the Great Hall again, and sat by her friends. They questioned her; Emily only said that she had to go to the restroom.   
  
After lunch, they had thirty minutes of free time, so they went to the common room and sat there, talking. Sirius and Remus were grinning mischievously; Emily and Vanessa sat talking of what they thought their detention was going to be (Emily was crying some, she hated detention). And Lily and James were talking again of books (Bookworms…).   
  
After the rest of the classes, it was time to go to the common room for resting and then to bed. Sirius went to get his detention over with, and so did James and Lily. Remus, Emily, and Vanessa were alone in the room; everyone else had gone to bed. They had agreed to wait up for the others, even if it took forever.   
  
Suddenly, the picture swung open, and Sirius came in, singing,   
  
"I am your singing telegram! Just listen to me sing! I am your singing—" He was cut off by Remus, who had snatched a pillow off of a chair and whacked Sirius with it. Sirius was outraged.   
  
"You dare challenge the pillow king?! I'll show you!" And with that, he grabbed two pillows and jumped on Remus and started pelting him with feathers and blows from pillows. Vanessa dashed to get another pillow and started smacking Sirius, yelling,  
  
"Get off of him, get off!" Then Emily joined in, smarting Vanessa's back with her pillow.   
  
"Don't you dare hit him! I'll smack you so hard if you do!" she screeched.   
  
They tumbled onto each other, hurling pillows on each other. When they finally stopped, Emily formed a plan.   
  
"Ok everybody. Here's what we do: we attack at dawn! So get ready to throw men, throw like you've never thrown before!" Vanessa caught on, and grinned.  
  
"But I haven't ever thrown before."  
  
"We attack at dawn! Throw!" They tumbled into laughter, until suddenly, there was a click and the picture swung open.   
  
"Get ready men, we attack at dawn!" Emily whispered. Before that, they had each found a hiding space; most of them were behind chairs. They had gathered up every pillow that they could, and each had a stack of them. Then Lily and James came in, talking. Lily gasped and shook her head.   
  
"Where are they? They promised to wait up for us," she exclaimed. They started toward the fire when Emily roared,  
  
"Throw men! Throw like you've never thrown before!" And all at once an attack of pillows cam raining down on Lily and James, and then suddenly, the other four teens came dashing in under the disguise of feathers. They battered their way through, to get a smack here and there at Lily and James. The common room was a mess; everywhere was white and fluffy with feathers. Everyone was laughing, and, eventually, James and Lily stopped defending themselves and joined in the battle.   
  
Everyone was having a great time, until Prefect Hilda, woke up and started screeching at the six downstairs to stop. They automatically threw pillows up there, and one thrown by Sirius was stuffed in her mouth. Lily burst out laughing. They continued to do this until Vanessa tripped, and fell flat on her face. Remus chuckled, and helped her up. Vanessa grinned, and then searched all over the floor to see what she had tripped over. She smiled and then pointed, saying,  
  
"Look what tripped me. An angel, by the way she's surrounded by 'clouds'!" She imitated flying, waving her hands as a bird would.   
  
For there was Emily, sleeping, apparently, on the rug. She was surrounded by pillow feathers, and was on top of a pillow or two. How could she fall asleep at a time like this? Sirius wondered. But then, when Vanessa was about to whack her with a pillow to wake her up, Sirius spotted a mark on her neck, a bruise it looked like.   
  
"Wait!" he yelled, and grabbed the pillow from Vanessa's hand.   
  
"What?" she asked, puzzled. Sirius pointed to Emily's mark, and then showed the others. Vanessa gasped and fell to the floor beside Emily.   
  
"Oh no, I hope she's all right," she gasped. She started to wake her up, and then decided not to. "Maybe we should take her to Madame Proofie," she suggested.   
  
"What, are you crazy? It's after midnight! No ones going to be up at this hour!" Remus exclaimed. Lily thought, and thought, and thought.   
  
"Well," she sighed. "What else do you propose we do?"  
  
Luv Emily~ I think I wrote a bit too much… oops. Anyway, sorry to throw this one on you, Vanessa. Maybe you could think of something to end it. You know? Hope you like it!!!! 


	4. Chapter Four

Yall, when I read Emmy's last chapter, I exploded laughing. I like laughed so hard I cried because of the word "Proofie". I ust found it very funny. In fact,  
  
I made a rap song to go along with it, hehe! Alright, here's my chapter. Halughjah! *jumps up and runs back and forth in front of everyone waving arms and screaming*  
  
Okay.  
  
Chapter Four.  
  
Vanessa bent over and picked up her friend and layed her gently on the couch. "Hm..." She thought out loud. "I think the only thing we can do is just lay her here  
  
'till mabey 7:00, when Madam (hahahaha) Proofie will be up." She sat down at the end of the couch with no intention of going to sleep. Remus sat in an armchair to the side, and Sirius and James sprawled on the floor. In half an hour Vanessa and Remus were the only ones up. After a few minutes Vanessa blinked several times and knocked out,   
  
snoring quietly. Remus found some blankets and threw them over his companions, then settled down to read with a blanket of his own. Vanessa woke up again after a few minutes, and saw Remus was now in a chair facing the other way. This gave her an idea. She crept off the couch and over to the back of the chair. She counted to three and then pounced up and grabbed Remus's hair. He screamed, then looked up and saw Vanessa's clever eyes over the back of the chair. She pulled the chair over onto its back and made Remus tumble out. "Emily took the coffee." She whispered in his ear. The other teens were surpisingly still asleep. "We strike now!" She snuck over to Emily in an almost cat-like way, and reached into her pocket and pulled it out. (HA!) "Do you still have your Sharpie marker?" She asked him. He nodded and threw it to her. "Yay!" She ran up into the the girls dormitory and returned with some mini M&M's.   
  
"Emily's." She said, pointing to them. "She took my coffee. I take M&M's." With that she grabbed Remus's arm and pulled him to the steps to the boys dormitory.  
  
'"Which bed is yours?" She asked, looking around. He ponited. She dashed to it and threw open his trunk, hiding the M&M's at the bottom. "Shh!" She whispered, putting her finger over her lips and sneaking back down the stairs.They went back to their spots, grinning. Remus picked up his chair and turned it around.''AHHHHHHHHH" She said suddenly in as loud a whisper possible. She ran back up the stairs to the girls dormitory and returned with finger-nail polish. She pointed to the boys on the floor and bent down beside Sirius and began painting his nails light blue. Remus grinned as she threw him a bottle of red and he sloppily procceded to paint James's nails. "This is harder than it looks!" he whispered, and Vanessa grinned. When they were finished they carefully hid the bottles in Emily's pocket, then sat back down and waited for the boys to wake up.  
  
After a few minutes James woke up and saw Sirius's blue nails. He laughed and shoved him, waking him up. "Beuatiful Sirius!" "Huh?" Sirius groaned, still half asleep until he noticed James's red nails and laughed. James looked down at his and screamed, and Sirius did the same. Vanessa and Remus quickly closed their eyes and pretended to be sound asleep. They boys looked around suspiciuolsy. They noticed Lily wasnt in the common room and decided it must be her, she was proabably up in her dormitory laughing. Vanessa couldnt help but grin a little at this, and they eyed her evily. They shook he and she pretended to wake up suddenly. "No!" She turned around on the couch and pretended to want to go back to sleep, giggling into her pillow. They threw her off the couch and she exploded into laughter. "You evil." James said, using all the spells he could think off to try to get the polish off. Sirius did the same. "It wont come off," she said. "It's permenant for two weeks." She laughed hysterically, as they boys kept trying and Remus peeked out from under his blanket. "You had to do with this too, did'nt you?" Sirius said. "It-seven-better-get-her-to-proofie!" Vanessa shouted very fast, picking Emily up sideways in the fire-man carry and rushing to the portrait hole. "Opps," she said, hearing a thud as Emily's head hit the side. "Hey!" She excliamed. "It sounded hollow!" She pushed Emily in first and then continued to carry her to the hopital wing, the boys in tow.  
  
They left her there, Madam (haha) Proofie told them to come back at lunch, and went back to the common room to get ready for school. Having only slept thirty minutes last night, Vanessa was remarkably hyper. "Here," she said, pouring instant coffee into everyone's mouth. Their eyes sunddelny wide, the proccedded in flying geese formation to breakfast, where they got the cup game banned from the great hall forever. At lunch, the five went to go see Emily, and Lily, who had been wondering where she was, begged for some more coffee. Vanessa gave everyone a packet and they all walked, er- hopped into the hospital wing like bunnies.  
  
Madam Pomfrey told them that she had been bitten by something, perhaps yesterday when they had been outside. She would be alright, and she would return to the common room tomorrow. "She keeps gettin sick, " She explained, and left them to visit. Sirius ran outside and came back with some flowers for her, and she thanked him, her heart secretly soaring. She noticed his nails. "Uh, nice nails boys." She laughed. Remus and Vanessa grinned an ran out of the room, dodging slaps from the boys. "Um Yes." Lily said and followed.   
  
The three left and hurried to lunch, hoping there was still something left. They sat to down to eat and James asked Lily if she wanted to hang around outside with him after classes. "Helping." She answered. "What?" James asked. "Agatha Fry. She made a pie. And Christopher John helped bake it." James was beginning to fear for his crush's sanity. "Christopher John, He mowed the lawn, and Agatha Fry halped rake it." "Lily?" "Zachary Zugg took out the rug," "is that a yes?" "Esyay." "Yeah...."  
  
Remus then asked Vanessa if she would go walking with him later, too. She accepted. "I dont have a friend!" Sirius cried, getting up and running around.  
  
(I know this is long but Im trying to think of an evil ending for Emily) All of the sudden, Dumbledore, who had been absent from the hall opened the heavy door hard and it slammed into the wall.   
  
TBS  
  
there ya go, more soon. 


End file.
